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AMUSING STORIES
Burglar 'tattoo' easy to find
A Colorado burglar has been arrested after being identified by his distinctive facial tattoo. The tattoo on the upper lip of 20-year-old Anthony Brandon Gonzales led to his arrest last week in connection with a break-in at the home of an Elvis impersonator in Pueblo County. A witness told police that one of the invaders had "East Side" tattooed on his upper lip. Gonzales also has a "13" tattooed on his chin in the shape of a goatee. According to a witness report, the tattoos were visible even though Gonzales was wearing a mask. Gonzales was already in jail on a separate drug charge. Police have now charged him with the April burglary, too. Sgt Eric Bravo said his distinctive tattoo led to the charge, saying, "it's hard to miss him."

Lost re-enacted by cats
All six series of American TV drama Lost have been re-enacted by cats in just over a minute in an internet video. The show, famous for its complex mythology and intricate plot twists, has been summarised in the clip posted on YouTube, reports the Daily Telegraph. Fortunately for fans who have not yet seen the final episode, screened in the UK on Friday morning, the video was posted two days before the finale and contains no spoilers. The film, which claims to be "The entire series of Lost recapped by cats", briefly lampoons each character from the first series, and goes on to show how much - or how little - they have developed by the time of the last series. It has been viewed by more than 400,000 on the video-sharing website. One user, Kursch38, commented: "Hilarious! Somehow, you've summed it all up in one minute with cats, which is more than the shows writers could do in six seasons."

Cleaner sucked into sausage machine
A cleaner had a lucky escape in the US when he was sucked into a sausage machine. The man has taken to hospital after the incident in Danvers, Massachusetts, but is not believed to be seriously hurt, reports Salem News. Police Lt Carole Germano said the victim was cleaning inside "a vacuum-type cylinder" that draws marinade into the meat. Somehow, the machine was activated while the man was still inside and he got drawn underneath. His head and shoulders got stuck in the machine. Lt Germano said the man had no obvious signs of trauma but was taken to the local Beverly Hospital to be checked out for any internal injuries. Police said there was a language barrier and they do not know the victim's name or age. Health and safety officials are also investigating.

Baseball fan admits vomit assault
A baseball fan has pleaded guilty to vomiting on an off-duty police captain and his 11-year-old daughter during a game. Matthew Clemmens, 21, stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited on Michael Vangelo and his daughter during a Philadelphia Phillies game, reports the Daily Telegraph. He pleaded guilty to one count each of simple assault, disorderly conduct and harassment for his conduct during the game at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. The New Jersey man and his friend were spilling beer, cursing and heckling Mr Vangelo and his daughters from the time they arrived at their seats, according to a statement read in court. Mr Vangelo's 15-year-old daughter asked the pair to stop the profanity, and Mr Vangelo complained to security that Clemmens' friend was spitting, with some of it hitting his 11-year-old daughter. After his friend was ejected, Clemmens was sitting alone behind the Vangelos when he answered his mobile phone and said: "I need to do what I need to do. I'm going to get sick," the prosecutor said. Clemmens then put his fingers down his throat and threw up on the father, with some vomit splashing onto Mr Vangelo's younger daughter. He then punched the father several times in the head before other fans in the stands subdued him, the prosecutor said. Clemmens' mug shot showed him with a swollen black eye, and authorities acknowledged he was hit as he was being subdued. No one else was charged in the case.

New robot stands-in for office workers
Officer workers will soon be capable of being in two places at once - virtually - thanks to their very own robot. Californian company Anybots has developed the 5ft robot called QB which can act as your stand-in if you're working from home, away on business or stuck in a meeting. Controllable by internet from anywhere in the world, you simply log-in online and activate your QB which you park at your usual desk. QB can even trudle around the office joining conversations with colleagues in real time. A camera in the robot's head let's you see where it's going, and if you spot anyone you want to talk to you simply power over to them and engage in conversation through your headset. An Anybots spokesman said: "When you're logged in, the robots eyes are glowing so your colleagues know you're there. They can just come up to you and ask questions, and you can answer back. If you're needed in a meeting or in the lab, just drive the robot there. The robots can be shared among as many people as you like. People who work from home will probably prefer to have their own private robot, which they might customise to represent themselves." Anybots is currently working on an application so you can control your QB from you iPhone. Each QB will cost $15,000 and will be available from this autumn.

Pink Hitler posters outrage Italy
Giant billboards for a clothing shop featuring Adolf Hitler dressed in bright pink has provoked outrage in Italy. The 18ft posters were put up in the city of Palermo in Sicily, with the caption: "Change your style. Don't follow your leader". The swastika on Hitler's armband has been replaced by a love heart, reports the BBC. But the local association of wartime resistance fighters said the adverts were offensive to those who had fought fascism. Second World War resistance fighters wrote to the mayor demanding their immediate withdrawal. A spokesman said that the posters violated democratic principles. The advertising agency behind the posters told Italian media the aim was to ridicule Hitler, not minimise his crimes. "We have ridiculed Hitler in a way that invites young people to create their own style and not to be influenced by their peers," said the agency's Daniele Manno. Locals will have to brace themselves for a fresh affront - the company is planning a new poster campaign featuring Mao Tse Tung.

Pac-Man eats up work time
Google's playable anniversary tribute to Pac-Man gobbled up almost 550 years of work time, according to a study. The playable version of the classic video game was put on Google's front page to celebrate 30 years since the launch of Pac-Man in Japan. The search giant reworked the game so the layout was arranged around letters forming its name. Statistics on how many people played and for how long were gathered by software firm Rescue Time, which makes time-tracking software that keeps an eye on what workers do online. On a typical day, it suggests, most people conduct about 22 searches on the Google page, each one lasting about 11 seconds. Putting Pac-Man on the page boosted that time by an average of about 36 seconds, the firm said based on the browsing habits of 11,000 Rescue Time users. The firm believes this is a relatively low figure because only a minority realised the logo was playable. To play, people had to click on the "insert coin" button which replaced the more familiar "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. Extrapolating this up across the 504 million unique users who visit the main Google page day-to-day, this represents an increase of 4.8 million hours - equal to about 549 years.

Blow for bungling bank robbers
Bank robbers who tried to blast the front off a cash machine suffered a blow - when they blew up the entire bank instead. The ATM was all that was left intact after the explosion - and the gang were forced to flee empty-handed. Neighbours in Mecklenburg, Germany, were woken in the middle of the night to see the entire front of the building had been blown away. "The explosion was so loud we thought there had been a plane crash," said one neighbour. "But when the dust settled, the bank was completely gone, a few cars were destroyed but the bank's safe was still there."

The world's first musical fish
A US woman claims she owns the world's first musical fish, which can play the glockenspiel and handbells. Goldfish Jor Jor has been trained to play single notes, chords and four part harmonies by simply using her mouth. The two-year-old tugs on a string attached to the instrument in perfect time to the music playing outside her tank. And she always comes in at the same point when she hears Barbara Streisand sing Moon River. Owner Diane Rains, 54, from Hudson, Wisconsin, says Jor Jor is able to time her aquatic interventions perfectly by listening to the tune. She said: "Jor Jor certainly is a unique musician. She likes to listen closely until a particular moment inspires her to contribute. At precisely the right time, she will play her bells or chimes for a few seconds only, then swim off satisfied. Moon River has an instrumental intro and then Streisand comes in. Nearly every time, Jor Jor listens for several bars, then just before the vocals began, exactly on the beat, she rings her F bell once." Diane, 54, started training Ryukin goldfish Jor Jor a year and half ago using a technique called positive reinforcement. When Jor Jor performs a certain act she is rewarded and so is trained to do that act more regularly.

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